I Know Why Mama Cried by Rita Chapman

Author:Rita Chapman [Rita Chapman]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-61254-835-7
Publisher: Brown Books Publishing Group
Published: 1996-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

I moved my hands to the front of my skirt, self-conscious of the wetness, the smell beneath it.

Father’s question echoed in my ears: Did you not learn anything from your years of catechism?

Yes, Father. I have just now learned that it did not prepare me for real life.

He turned to the bookshelf to refill his glass.

I thought of the galaxy of gold stars I’d earned for all my perfect recitations.

Q. Why did God make us?

A. God made us to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him, and to be happy with Him in all eternity.

Q. What must we do to assure our salvation?

A. We must obey the Ten Commandments of God and the Six Commandments of the church.

Eternity, salvation. They sounded so meaningless. Where were the answers for here and now? For what was happening to me in this room? For what happened to me on the ground beneath Donnie?

Through the window, I saw Daddy pacing the porch, his face black with shock. From somewhere behind me a cuckoo clock squawked five. Across the room, Father said, “I don’t have all day, young lady.”

Something trickled down my leg. A splotch of bright red, then another fell side by side on my white sock.

Father’s eyes drew to it. “Ah, God shows you the stain of your sin. How it has spoiled what was once pure.” His lips curled with disgust.

I couldn’t have felt filthier if I were wallowing in a sewer. I hated me. The me I’d have to live with tomorrow, and the one after that, all those to follow in this defiled body. In a moment of tired confusion and burning panic, I believed my father and my church would disown me if I didn’t confess.

I stepped before Father, and heard the rote words rise from that hollow place within. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” A sprinkle of holy water hit my cheeks.

“You must see to it this never happens again.”

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